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<font face="Calibri">Only you . Jim! </font><br>
<br>
<div class="moz-cite-prefix">On 3/5/2016 11:53 AM, Jim Monahan
wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote
cite="mid:CAGVqdYm7AVYu9sJjz2akeH_SPKMj-=B2PSyghFJLyLOeXjNFhA@mail.gmail.com"
type="cite">
<p dir="ltr">Fantastic! Maybe strong academics will discourage
NCAA from placing the scholarly-minded Hawkeyes on some sort of
investigatory S--- list! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Seriously, this notable accomplishment makes me beam
with pride (albeit a disgusting sight) in being an Iowa
Hawkeye!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Sue, I can't miss this chance to be a mite smutty for
the fun and the pun of it. Your subject line "First time ever!"
unfortunately sounds to devilish me like the title of a gross
paperback I hid in my desk as a fifth grader at Saint Malachy's
Grade School in the center of the universe, Creston, Iowa. Oh
what a callow, shallow childhood I suffered through.</p>
<p dir="ltr">When an arithmetic class turned dull, my inquisitive
mind strayed away to possibly invite decay in a way. For I would
sneak that eye-opening tawdry book out of my desk to devour
privately to pour to try to thwart my embarassing lack of
mentally balanced sexual acumen. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Save us all from my dingy dialogue but guard me
against the dying light, my all knowing Higher Power, be there
to guide <br>
me with every breath I take, every hour!</p>
<p dir="ltr">I longed for a learning experience, once witlessly
striving to become sagacious by absorbing dirty pages. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Engrossed in the titillating telling of a petting
adventure, I carelessly stayed glued to the actually far from
porno page as the subject completely captivated me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I paid dearly for this carnality or whatever it was I
was experiencing. Sister DePaul, I cringed in horror and too
late, had snuck up on me from behind to see what I was up to
to satisfy her own perchance petulant curiosity. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Interlude: Please pardon my often limp lingo!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Over my shoulder loomed the robust presence of a
strict Benedictine nun who had given her all in sacrifice to
Christ, , eyes mighty alive, staring full-bore at my reading
material, totally consumed, for what seemed an evil, invasive,
naked eternity. What an awesome absence of ambience she
appeared to be to meek 11 year old me! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Time out for down to earth acumen: Never let thee
stoop to write like me! Carry on should you care enough to
dare.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Then Whack! Boom! Slap! Herky compadres, I was
physically assaulted by a no-fun nun as I suffered her
admonishments uttered gutterally in the vice guise of a
screaming banshee!<br>
</p>
<p dir="ltr">She then stopped to conquer. Oh yes she did, taking
me by my rather large reddened right ear ( ain't bragging as
The Donald does about a specific body appendage) </p>
<p dir="ltr">This mighty mad sister tossed me out of the
classroom. Let me make that much more clear than the Holy
Ghost!</p>
<p dir="ltr"> Damn it anyway, I suffered the shame of a roomful of
wise-acre students, faux buddies of the playground at recess,
smirking or laughing at victimized me being hauled from their
presence as a messy mass, spoiled ingrate, growing stupid and
uncouth, unworthy to stand proud, bold and brave atop the
superior, rich, fertile Iowa soil! Your name is mud, Jimmy.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I was shaking when I entered the rectory of the
parish rectory across the street from school to face the
judgemental voice of God' top Catholic cop on earth. Rightfully!
</p>
<p dir="ltr"> I was a proven smut mitten urchin condemned to face
Father Patrick O'Shea, a stern countenance who had somehow
immigrated from the Auld Sod to Creston, Iowa eons ago. Maybe
he got on the wrong boat.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I was a fatherless child. My dad, a Chicago
detective and professional actor, died at age 33 when I was
three months old. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Instinctively, Father Patrick kinda served as a
father figure to the needy cur that was me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Holey moley! The wrath of God was about to descend
from the heavens for damn sure! I prayed for a miracle to
release me from from this dirty valley of tears and jeers.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Begorrah! God had been following my plight! Might
redemption be the Calvary coming to my spirit's rescue?</p>
<p dir="ltr">My world ground to a halt as I waited with
trepidation the padre's school of thought. In his soft Irish
brogue, with a hint of a smile on his rugged face, Father Pat
said, "Jimmy Monahan, why in God's name did you do something as
stupid as turning to vile expositions in perverted prose? Hiding
such shameful garbage in your desk?"</p>
<p dir="ltr">Kindness helped me recover my dignity within seconds.
A pat on the, back, a gently espoused order to say five
Rosaries because I had offended God.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Then a miracle happened to refresh my soiled soul and
give me a jolt of sugared water to become re-energized to go
full steam ahead, brimming with confidence and ready to travel
intrepidly with religious vigor to points unknown. </p>
<p dir="ltr">(Writing is over the top. Want to stop?)</p>
<p dir="ltr">From s small refrigerator next to his imposing desk,
this decent Shepherd to his parish flock and lost young souls
such as me, miraculously made ice cold bottles of Coca Cola
appear.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Then I was flat out amazed to watch this stern
disciplinarian turn gentle and more generous, placing a lucious
looking plate of chocolate cookies on his desk.</p>
<p dir="ltr"> Holy cow or whatever, that kind act signalled to
me I was smack dab the sinner/center of attention in a
spiritual healing exercise damn well strong enough to turn away
the scourges of hell!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Pure bust to the lust that had stole the natural
curiosity of a mild, not a wild, child. C'mon world, c'mon,
the good earth and all its creatures. Bring it on!</p>
<p dir="ltr">It was as if I heard a wondrous blessing singing in
my soul, "Go in peace, Jimmy. Your sins are forgiven. No big
deal!"</p>
<p dir="ltr">Then his unforgettable toast: "Jimmy, for the most
part you are a good boy. So we won't tell on ye to your dear
mother!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Life instantly became better, something I could
handle, at least better than my ability to hit a curve ball in
my diamond sporting life!</p>
<p dir="ltr"> After school, I ripped the "sen-sational" dirty book
to shreds, on my way to unfortunately not to experience a proper
sex education in myopic Catholic and public places of learning.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Sadly, I was not to be given ready access to
positively based insights on the sadly secret stuff of life,
it's wondrous nature not a suitable subject for public probing
and exalting elucidation all the way thorough grad school and
life. </p>
<p dir="ltr"> Teachers said nay to going all the way in giving
students innately vital and incredibly valuable stores of
knowledge affirming character-building moral education.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Keep verboten. Ignorance is bliss seemed the guiding
principle to keeping vital information stowed away in the
forbidden closet of close-minded indoctrination.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So, good Sue and all of you, my "first time ever"
was to become a vital learning experience early on! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Thanks for jogging my memory with your subject line,
Sue!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Jim Monahan, from childhood mayhem came adult
acumen. Oh hell yeah! Life is good</p>
<div class="gmail_quote">On Mar 4, 2016 9:45 PM, "Sue Bailey" <<a
moz-do-not-send="true" href="mailto:minburnsb@gmail.com"><a class="moz-txt-link-abbreviated" href="mailto:minburnsb@gmail.com">minburnsb@gmail.com</a></a>>
wrote:<br type="attribution">
<blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0 0 0
.8ex;border-left:1px #ccc solid;padding-left:1ex">
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<p>The <a moz-do-not-send="true"
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target="_blank">Iowa Hawkeyes</a> are the first-ever
school to sweep Academic All-America of the Year awards
in both men’s and women’s basketball. Congratulations to
both Jarrod Uthoff and Ally Disterhoft on their 2015-16
<a moz-do-not-send="true"
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k%20viSz9EeqRVF5Ba7NJL0BMvuLbZHPXqYEFVujHNidkyMycF3Pngi_qCNMlUv3EA1Q0nAwjuoZWQY-be_AShaxfntM2IY8iIExtm-7DMvJevAzBSp4QzWr20QoTFUUDPoP-VI5DQTqNKbSXoIgz65UCsvY-a6Fuf6chak74sLbUm0wU1jp7U_v7jdaZx5ILH3VRe-Z_qrCCsY-Eh9UY564N-gvnQRX40AVtsnKMtl-OTa7SA3Gh2qTbM6zBknLOBgCkclMRCN8A7fln6o7Vp-h4V_eT-lMNlkx_OmknB1SBAuYYENbGxpeI5r46ZvclQ87iyGfxhkod-5IRvH7Ia2N99SQA0wkJfprE1IEx7BgI0H5XgYlsG1P1hyTxNvogaLqheS30vx3u2liEBIkSfWGNAMs8vpw80bZ13laaZ5FE4F75FuCq3hgyxdpVotcXOZ7Rl4gv5zh2jmSh-BR2rR02p8FSS3Qzk-B8PFjIPEkXBr76sNItfjN7gqvvxaBVSpf3sZjWpyDhck8Q&ft[fbfeed_location]=1&ft[insertion_position]=10&__md__=0"
target="_blank">CoSIDA</a> Academic All-America of the
Year honors.</p>
</div>
<div>
<div>
<div>
<div><a moz-do-not-send="true"
href="https://www.facebook.com/BigTenConference/photos/a.136147340101.102748.21804815101/10153910135870102/?type=3"
rel="theater" style="width:390px" target="_blank">
<div style="width:390px;min-height:394px"><img
src="cid:part4.05030207.04090403@gmail.com"
alt="Big Ten Conference's photo." height="394"
width="392"></div>
</a></div>
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<pre wrap="">_______________________________________________
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